I Want To Put My Beast in Your Shack
by Potential Velociraptor
Summary: "Off with his head!" she cried. But his eyes were looking up at her...those damn puppy dog eyes (werewolf eyes?). It didn't matter that he was the enemy. All that mattered was...


Bella's eyes met her adversary's, their wands out and ready. Lupin cast a quick glance at her wand, then looked back up. "Mine's bigger than yours"

Her lips curled into a mischievous smirk as she studied the man before robes fit his slender frame just so, but she knew that his muscles came out at a different time "Are you really supposed to be out at this time of the month, Lupin"

"I could say the same to you, Bella"

She smiled to herself. He hadn't lost that Marauder sass, even though he spent all of his time around the blood traitors and mudbloods. Frankly he interested her and she was curious to find out everything about him, absolutely everything. She looked around, they were alone. The battleground was deserted, and all that remained was a charred shack. The full moon peeked from behind the clouds, looming over them she could feel the cool wind against her exposed skin. Bellatrix snarled at him. "Filthy half-breed", she spat.

Remus shrugged.

"Better than married to someone with a grand total of 0 OWL's"

She sends a stream of blue light at him, whipping the spell with a resound fury "You're lucky you're not dead yet"

He lazily flicked his wand, using the shield charm. Bella circled him, casting hex after hex his way, only to again and again be denied. Sweat beaded down her forehead and her breasts heaved as she turned again to fight. Her fury rose, not only at the lack of death, but Lupin's supreme arrogance, his face unperturbed. "If you want to kill me Bella, you're going to have to try a lot harder than that"

She shrieked in fury, sending a jet of green in his direction.

"Despite what you might think not everything is as easy as you are"

The killing curse grazes past his shoulder and his eyes widen in shock and suprise at his close brush with death. Remus felt disgusted at himself. Why was he even engaging with evil in female form? As the adrenaline pumped through his veins his head felt hot and cluttered at the sight of the heaving witch. He couldn't help but notice Bellatrix' tight black robes and the way the green light illuminated her face.

She felt anger, but another curious emotion as well. Something definitely close to anger, but not quite, though the feeling did leave her feeling clammy in her tight, shapely dress. She started to form a curse, but came to a realization.

There was no point in keeping up a barrage, only to have them deflected. She would have to lower his guard somehow. Remus, noticing a lull in the assault, slightly lowered his wand. A quizzical look came over his face.

What is she doing? he thought, somewhat confused Bella's face was calm and calculating, a stark contrast to the usual fury that contorted her features.

She doesnt look half bad when she isnt trying to kill me, thought Remus, before quickly dismissing the thought from his mind.

Bella smirked, her wand at her side. She drops it onto the ground with a dull thud against the soft dirt Her hands situated upon the delicate seams of her dress. Confusion, mixed with mild amusement, washed over Remus like a wave.

What is she planning?

As the silky fabric tore, the piece draped over her. Remus' breath caught in his throat. "What are you do-" he started, before faltering again.

Bella looked down at her ripped clothing and then looked back up at her opponent. Her stare dared him to make a move. Bella felt appalled at herself Was she really going to degrade herself to this creature?

"Only until he lowers his wand" she thought, glancing at her own which was at her feet.

Staring right into his eyes, she slowly continued ruining her robes. Her bare creamy skin was exposed under the silvery moon. Remus felt a tug below his belt. Unfortunately, wolfsbane didn't restrict the beast in his pants from transforming.

Bella smiled, it was working She advanced towards him, ready to take him out and end this fool's life, but something stopped her. She took in his smouldering gaze and his slender frame, so similar to her master's.

He dropped his wand (but not that other one), and advanced towards her. His hands gripped her waist as he pulled her closer. She felt her plan dissipate as she let her mental guard down and let herself be enveloped in his arms.

Bella looked into his eyes, while groping blindly to her side for her wand. She eventually felt the solid, rigid, and warm texture of a hard wooden wand. Pulling triumphantly and jumping back, she realized in dismay that the wand she grabbed was not hers, but his. His lips smashed roughly against hers, bruising and needy. He groaned into her neck, relishing in the pleasurable sensation. Lupin grinned bashfully, forgetting momentarily that it was /Belllatrix/ in his arms. Bella smiled in a way that made his heart race furiously, as if it wasn't already leaping out of his chest.

"Well dear," she cooed "Looks like it is the wand that chooses the witch. i should be flattered this particular wand chose me."

"Lemme guess" she mutters, "8 inches and stiff?"

Suddenly drawing on his Gryffindor courage, Remus boldly shot back "and with a liquid core guaranteed to produce the best sparks"

Her lips press against his slowly began to undo his buckle, as he moaned in agreement. "You'd be a lot more appealing if you weren't so damn irritating"

She slowly began to undo his buckle, as he moaned in agreement. Coming to the sudden realization that yes, this was Bellatrix and no, she wasn't going to kill him (shocking, he knew) he managed to mutter through his pleasure, "That's not what you said holding my wand so tightly"

"Oh just shut up will you?" she moans, tugging him harder.

She pushed him into the charred remains of the shack, and began to kneel down.

Remus leaned back, his eyes rolled to the back of his head, not believing what was about to happen to him.

She straddled him and while he expected the heat of her body and fingertips to roam his body, he instead felt the sharp metallic sensation of a knife.

THEN HIS PENIS HOWLED AT THE MOON

AROOOOOOO

WHAT THE FUK SED BELLA

THEN THE PENIS OPEBED ITS MOUTH AND CONSUMED HER WHOLE

YUM YUM SED MR PENIS

Her knife dropped to the ground.

REMUS PULLED THE KNIFE OUT OF HIS BODY

FOUL WEREPENIS I CHALLENGE YOU TO HONORABLE BATTLE

AS IF TO RESPOND THE PENISBEAST PISSED VERY LOUDLY AT REMUS' FACE

Belllatrix snarled, outraged that little Rumus would behave in such a manner

"DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM?" SHOUTED THE ENRAGED REMUS AND WITH ONE FELL SWOOP DECAPITATED THE BEAST BUT THEN HE REALISED THAT WAS HIS PENIS THE REAL REASON HE DIDNT WANT TO GO OUT WOTH TONKS OS BECAUSE HE HAS NO PENIS THE HEAD FELL OFF "

You think that brains matter? There's only one head that matters in this world and you just lost it"

BUT AY THE MONSTER WAS SLAIN HE CLUTCHED THE HEAD IN HIS HAND AND POINTED IT AT THE NIGHTSKY

IT LOOKS LIKE HE SAYS AS HE PUTS ON A PAIR OF SUNGLASSES

AND A GUY STARTS SHOUTING IN THE BACKGROUND AND CSI STARTS PLAYING

IT LOOKS LIKE YOU JUST GOT

(•_•)

(⌐■_■)

_**SHAFTED**_

La Fin


End file.
